Socializing after the death of a spouse is weird. People have questions, concerns, and are genuinely curious about life after Matt.
It’s been 4 months and it’s been a complete roller coaster of emotions so far. I confide in my closest friends and family. Everyone else doesn’t really get a front row seat to the grief show. I am always shocked by the questions I get. I’m super surprised that people even care who I talk to socially. That’s not something I’ve ever experienced before because I’m 38 years old and I’ve made some ok decisions so far. I feel that it is unfair that I’m not even allowed to have friends of the opposite sex without speculation.
I’m sure people have an arbitrary timeline in their heads on when it is and is not appropriate for me to date again. I can tell you now to throw that timeline out the window. Life is fast and fleeting and I’m human.
There is no rule book. There is no timeline.
My friend’s husband shared with me that he was 6 when his father died, same age as Quinn. He said something that stuck with me-
There is no right or wrong thing. Whatever you do is the right thing.
So a short list of things everyone should stop saying to anyone grieving the loss of a spouse-
1) “It’s way too soon to date”
I’m fairly certain that’s for me to decide. If anyone wants to join this crazy train, y’all should just step aside and let them. If anything it will be mildly entertaining for all involved.
2) “What are you going to do about xyz (life, bills, house, job, schools)?”
Stop asking grieving people personal questions. It’s not ok. Mostly because we have no clue what we’re doing. We’re winging it on a good day. It stresses me out to be questioned over and over again about things that I may not want to talk about at that very minute. Unless you’d like to catch one of these bills, because I’m drowning. Otherwise, talk about normal stuff when me. Please. Begging.
3) “Everything happens for a reason” or “This was God’s plan”
Nope. Stop. My husband did not rot away from cancer because of some mystical deep reason. He rotted away from cancer because the company he worked for illegally and negligently exposed him to carcinogens that killed him. People have freedom of choice, and choices were made that killed Matt. The people that made those choices will have to answer for them.
So I’m fine. Really I am. I’m upright. Functioning. Happy(ish). Doing ok.
But I’ll take any and all donations, preferably Starbucks gift cards and avocados.
Local blonde black widow, over and out 👱🏼♀️